@shashaintl: I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you're a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.
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@SexySpacePrince: *eats way too much delicious space pudding* Me: Oof I am STUFFED! What'd you call this again? Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!
@ashleycrem: I had children for two reasons; I wanted to start a loving family, and I needed a quick excuse to leave things.
@MrEmilyHeller: Every commercial for every product should have a scientist looking into a microscope. That gives me the confidence to buy
@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.