@markleggett: I just paid $4,000 to have a skywriter write "Actually, Vanessa, YOU'RE the one who's being 'dramatic'."
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@daemonic3: Sloth 911: What's your emergency [1 week later] Sloth: I'VE BEEN SHOT [1 week later] Sloth 911: DON'T MOVE! We'll be there in a month
@KyleMcDowell86: Welcome to Lion Tamer School. Everyone grab a chair. Good... good. You're all halfway to becoming Lion Tamers now.
@Coolisiana: GOD- "I will send a plague that will kill all living things on earth" *Fish slip the LORD a $20* "On second thought how about a flood?"
@TylerLinkin: Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.