@hazelmotes1: I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery
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@PajamaStew: "How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?" - Not in a kids movie, dude. "Ok, but it's puppy skin?" - Oh, then YES!
@markleggett: I'm on the powerlifting forums, trying to convince everyone that kissing another man before you bench gives you an awesome adrenaline boost.
@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
@KalvinMacleod: A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. “Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house.