@splashguts: I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned.
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@KoKeniSasquatch: My luck can best be described as: Loses $50 but finds a lighter. Shit. It's empty.
@ashlar36: I'm going to complain about the cold until a Canadian gets mad enough to say something rude, like 'I'm sorry but it's colder in Canada."
@DaddyJew: If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day but if you teach a kid how to make pop tarts your job as a parent is pretty much done
@murrman5: where did you get them pants? [wife goes to answer but stops then narrows her eyes] you're not going as me for halloween again are you?