@WhoCuppedMyCake: I just put BOTH my legs into one pajama pant leg...making me a MERMAID!
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@_NTFG_: People say love is the best feeling in the world, but I think finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is better.
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife's fish net stockings are so tight that my legs look like wafer cookies when I take them off.
@Token_Geezer: Before twitter I would walk into a room and forget what I went in there for. nnNow, I don't even walk into the right room