@WhoCuppedMyCake: I just put BOTH my legs into one pajama pant leg...making me a MERMAID!
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@IamEnidColeslaw: I do this really cute thing where I yawn right before my girlfriend kisses me so I almost swallow her face
@ItsAndyRyan: [Library] MAN: Do you have books on fire? LIBRARIAN: Yes, in the Chemistry section MAN: Come on boys! *Swarms of firemen enter with hoses*
@desolateson: I slept under the Christmas tree once when I was 9 waiting for Santa. And once when I was 37 waiting for the room to stop spinning.