@weinerdog4life: I just ran over a tree, a 5'2" blonde screaming tree with a purse.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheBigBatman: I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately.
@gianni_bcn: Jesus: Unless you become like children you will not enter heaven *Gets hit by a water ballon* Jesus: That's not what I meant, Paul
@SoVeryBritish: Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question "you don't remember me do you?"