@weinerdog4life: I just ran over a tree, a 5'2" blonde screaming tree with a purse.
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@RuinMyWeek: [God & his assistant making giraffes] ASST: Say "when" once the neck is long enough, k? *God is on his iPhone not really paying attention*
@kissmefreedom: Buzzfeed writer wanted. Must love current events, pop culture and have a Bachelor's degree and a history of head injuries.