@weinerdog4life: I just ran over a tree, a 5'2" blonde screaming tree with a purse.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thecrabbyhook: My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
@iLikeCatShirts: [Red Lobster] Waiter: we're offering Endless Shrimp. Me: bring me the endless shrimp <5 days later> Waiter: please leave, I have a family
@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
@EndhooS: Me: Make sure Jnr. gets straight A's…[slides envelope] Teacher: Is this what I think it is? Me:[nods] You can use it to send letters & stuff