@lakeanagirl: I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That's it. No more reading!
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@SamuelHLowe: - 911,what's your emergency? - I'm out of beer! - That's no emergency. - Chest pain? - We'll send an ambulance. - Make sure they bring beer.
@MarlonBrandNO: I stuffed my mom last night. I know you're thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that's gross but jokes on you I'm a taxidermist
@StansaidAirport: Do you like freezing to death and knocking down trees with your face? Well why not book a skiing holiday?
@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage