@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"
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@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
@Black__Elvis: Just found a hole in my sock and now I'm worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
@RamblingMachine: A truck with the slogan "We always go the extra mile" took the last parking spot so I wrote on it "because we missed the exit" as a revenge.
@MrSandeepP: This alphabet soup that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than most Pitbull lyrics.