@UnicornSyrup: "I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"
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@sarcasticmommy4: "If you can't beat them, join them," I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast.
@CornOnTheGoblin: my friend: [just got fired from his job] what a day me: [got to the gym and only my left headphone worked] you have no idea
@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
@itsBOMBARDIER: me at 14: can’t wait to travel the whole world once i’m earning my own money me now: mustn’t forget that tupperware at work, it’s my only one