@sistersurf: I just read someone's TL who starred me, forgot who I was reading, starred & RT'd a gazillion RT's on their TL, ended up in Mexico married.
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@lilgapeach30: Daaaaamn boy. Are you an Adobe update? Cause you keep showing up and I still don't want you.
@MrFornicator: When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
@markedly: Things Ted Cruz and I have in common: 1. Love butter 2. Shy eyes 3. Resurrected from the grave during satanic bloodmoon ritual 4. Brown hair
@Brampersandon_: [Cute Girl]: *in hot tub* Hey baby. Why don't you come join me? [Lobster]: No I'm good over here. That's how my dad died.