@JediGigi: "Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!"
--dogs
@DrizzyTheType: Don't Drake and drive or you'll end up at your ex's house.
@thepunningman: Fetty Wap's full name is Fettuccine Wireless Application Protocol.
@TragicAllyHere: Groom: Dude, the invitation was for Gandalf the Grey.
Gandalf: Oh, it's Gandalf the White now.
Bride: [fuming]
Gandalf: [looks fabulous]
@Breadery: At my funeral I want the picture of me next to the coffin to have eyeholes cut out with someone behind it glaring at people coming in.
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