@GetCougarized: I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I've been using them for all this time.
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@SweatyJester: If a picture says a thousand words, why do you need 22 hashtags on your Instagram photographs?
@gavinpivott: A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car.
@jdforshort: "Hitting it hard as shit" and "tickling the hole" are not phrases that I would have associated with golf before today
@dafloydsta: I'm commonly known to my friends as "that nutty guy" Haha, just kidding. Squirrels can't talk.