@MintyCow: I just responded to a text message with: I can't hear you, you're breaking up
@DanMentos: Any party is an ugly sweater party if you’re ugly and you sweat a lot
@omgthatspunny: Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
@gazg74: I'd totally shake what my momma gave me but abandonment issues aren't really a tangible physical manifestation.....
@cbdoubleu: Who called it Orion's Belt instead of a waist of space?
@SteveSuckington: Me: pretty much any name can be unisex
My son Stephanie: I hate you dad