@Jen_Up_: I just said, "who the hell is calling here at 9 o'clock at night?" and I died a little on the inside.
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@TheToddWilliams: [robbery] ROBBER: Give me all your money! ME: I don't have it all with me. ROBBER: Dang!
@VeganZebra: Bully: Give me your lunch money Me (clutching my lunch sack against my body): My name isn't Money
@GrantTanaka: son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don’t get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]
@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.