@jake_lach: I just saved $30 on Taco Bell by telling a friend I don't have my wallet
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@QwertyJones3: [Blue whale documentary] This monster can eat 40 million fish in a day. Whale looking directly into the camera: Yeah I'm kind of a foodie.
@tuckerflodman: [Inspecting car] *kicks tire* "Mmhm just as I suspected, it can withstand a single kick."
@mrsmith196645: Guys, if your lady tells you she needs windshield wiper blades, SHE DOES NOT MEAN FOR CHRISTMAS!