@jake_lach: I just saved $30 on Taco Bell by telling a friend I don't have my wallet
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@ThisOneSayz: Unless you have stellar reflexes, throwing a bouncy ball at your spouse during an argument is not the best choice.
@bobvulfov: [cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer
@Neauxpe: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because you were the only car in the lot and I parked so close you couldn't open your door.
@MrT1M: Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.