@HrBry: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate
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@ilovepie84: I've replaced my neighbors toothpaste with Napalm, and left him a free pack a cigarettes. Now we wait.
@smithsara79: Oh really, we have nothing in common? Then how do you explain neither of us being able to stand me
@gmossii: Every time I put on my striped socks I always have an ominous feeling that today is the day that a house will drop on me.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: My white cat has been beating up my black cat a lot lately so I guess he's been reading the news and knows he won't get punished for it.