@Douchekevin: I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by outrunning the cops.
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@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."
@MarioInAZ: My kids are young, so when they listen to old school music they think its new. They are currently listening to a hot new band called Queen.
@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"