@Douchekevin: I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by outrunning the cops.
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@JennyPentland: Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn't even been able to figure out in 200 years?
@AGreaterMonster: This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh.
@squirrel74wkgn: The teenage boy cashier just told my wife that her tampon coupon is expired...and all of Target went silent.
@therealeatwood: All I wanna do is *bang* *bang* *bang* *bang* *gun cocks* *cash register* Get this reference