@Douchekevin: I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by outrunning the cops.
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@suzieQ0007: At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.
@myles_morrison: Whenever your girlfriend tells you she's on her period remember not to say things like "that explains it."
@YoungNobler: They should make custom Starbucks cards that say, "I wouldn't normally be buying your coffee, but I got this gift card."
@TheTalkingPipe: My way or the highway. It takes two to tango. What I'm saying is, "welcome to idiom club". Now, let's cut to the chase.