@Cali_Kid_Mike: I just saw 125 spf sunblock. Maybe going outside isn't for everyone.
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@_ISpeakTrue: Guys aren't the only one who get friendzoned! I'm so deep in the friendzone that I've met his girlfriends parents
@CalebTenenbaum: If a 99lb girl eats a 1lb plate of nachos is she technically 1% nachos? I think I'm on to something...
@david8hughes: My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it'd take 2 days to come up with the money.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Leonard Nimoy died today. Co-worker: From Star Wars? *goes home* Wife: How was your day? Me: Leonard Nimoy and a co-worker died today.