@koalaslament: I just saw 30 seconds of Glee and now I'm gay. Send glitter.
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@JosephScrimshaw: Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.
@aveuaskew: I'm supposed to be afraid of you because you are a twitter badass? What are you going to do, caps lock me?
@bourgeoisalien: don't usually brag about helping people, but when I saw an old lady drop her groceries, I yelled: "lift with a straight back!" it felt good
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m at a stage in my life where I know I should workout and eat healthy, but swallowing a tapeworm seems easier.