@koalaslament: I just saw 30 seconds of Glee and now I'm gay. Send glitter.
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@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER: What's your biggest weakness? VANILLA ICE: I've been known to steal under pressure
@WheelTod: [I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]
@charliedelta7: Just flipped my son off behind his back because I'm an adult and don't get into arguments with 4 year olds.