@CrazyUncIeJoe: I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."
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@murrman5: if you come out with us you can't lie about making your own soup "those days are behind me" [girl at bar 45 mins later] oh cool, what kind?
@mommajessiec: My kids started calling me boss today, so now I have the painful task of figuring out which one I’m going to have to let go.
@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?
@Parker_Simpson: Why do people say,"You can't make this stuff up." Nope. Not true at all. You can literally make up anything you want anytime.