@markydoodoo: I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.
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@chairmanMAO_92: Why didn't the people in the movie Armageddon just hold up a big sheet of paper when the meteor was coming? Paper beats rock...
@briangaar: DID YOU KNOW: If you don't eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?
@XplodingUnicorn: My wife thought it would be cute to take a shower with our toddler and now there's poop in the tub and everyone is screaming.
@Reverend_Scott: wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing baby tiger? me filling a big bowl with frosted flakes: no idea.