@RunJeffreyRun: I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
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@beefman138: Me : Here, I made you a 'Best Hits of 2017' CD. Wife : This is an unopened blank CD-R. Me : Correct.
@SondraDeeMe: I may be paranoid, but it feels like the world is out to get me. *trips over globe and breaks both legs*
@FilthyRichmond: My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches
@OhMattyBoy: I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn't be oppressed.