@KevinHart4real: I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit
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@tastefactory: There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek.
@man_spach: Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
@joe_binkley: I want to be a server at a restaurant that serves fish jelly, just so when people order it, I can say "I don't think you're ready."
@missteenussr: Never feel like you're too small to make a difference. After all, a tiny raisin has the ability to RUIN EVERYTHING ITS BAKED IN.