@KevinHart4real: I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit
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@JohnLyonTweets: Police say a man was found lying dead on his couch and wrapped in a blanket. Apparently there were signs of a snuggle.
@FatherWithTwins: Remember: whatever fun game you invent for your kids, you're going to have to play it 10,000 times
@fsuflores: I feel so bad for all these women that give me their phone numbers and when I call the line has been disconnected This economy is ruthless.
@kamtweeting: Give me a few strong men, and I'll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I'll conquer the world.