@KevinHart4real: I just saw a man get hit by a car...he got hit & fell down & then got up & chased the car down the block!!!! His legs must be strong as shit
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@Underchilde: “There’s no use crying over spilt milk.” Unless you spill it on a winning Powerball ticket, then you should probably cry.
@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
@ScottLinnen: Counted five pregnant women at this Noah matinee. Praying their water doesn't break.