@FattMernandez: I just saw a pizza delivery guy get in a terrible accident. I feel so bad. Someone's just sitting around, wondering where their pizza is.
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@SaraMansford: No, I'm not "lackadaisical", I'm lazy, which is the same only 3 whole syllables less.
@BillDixonish: Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone "what are you supposed to be?" without triggering an existential crisis.
@__candypants: Thank God the conventions are over because now we can get back to the real issues: FOOTBALL.