@FattMernandez: I just saw a pizza delivery guy get in a terrible accident. I feel so bad. Someone's just sitting around, wondering where their pizza is.
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@seriouslyemily: I like my men like I like my packets of instant oatmeal: Chunky and knowledgeable with facts about dinosaurs."
@Sickayduh: DAD: What happened to your car? SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now
@VancityReynolds: Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
@SodomyClown: If Romney wins I will punch a basket of newborn kittens one by one. Do you want that, America? Do you want kittens to get punched?