@my_boy_joey: I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.
@momTruthBomb: I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.
@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.