@my_boy_joey: I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle.
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@bobvulfov: [car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that
@SondraDeeMe: When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire.