@my_boy_joey: I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Shout-out to smartphones for eliminating tedious tasks from our lives like reading books or watching the road when we drive.
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] BOSS: Do you like my fire place? ME: Actually, it's one word: "fireplace" BOSS: You're fired ME: Oh, I get it now