@KKBowls: I just saw a spider on the wall, I went to hit it -- it just fell and ran away. I was all, 'Oh my God, he knows what I look like.'
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@weinerdog4life: Side Effects May Include: upset stomach, diarrhea, a tail, some hooves, ok so you might turn into a horse
@ObscureGent: The best way to get the woman of your dreams is to comment "gorgeous" on a minimum of 52 of her selfies.
@BubbleNuggets2u: I could've sworn there was less grunting and moaning the last time I put these pants on... Maybe the donut in my mouth muffled it