@mattZillaaaa: I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RumAndReeses: Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble.
@LurkAtHomeMom: If my 6 year old tells me someone was "mean to him" I never know if they stole his bike or tried to cook him a healthy meal.
@TheTweetOfGod: On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon.
@jimmytorosian: Me: "I have octopus like reflexes." Person: "Don't you mean cat like reflexes?" Me: *squirting him with ink* "Nope."