@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
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@ItsAndyRyan: "How would you describe the woman who attacked you?" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*
@envydatropic: They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that's why I surround myself with lazy people
@buhsbaby_baby: One time I invited a guy over for dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so I just poured us each a bowl of cereal really romantically.
@vincevangone: I am "knows everything about Aardvarks because Mom bought an encyclopedia," years old.