@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
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@kevinseccia: I'm against the marriage of anyone whose first instinct is to film and then show the world their elaborate proposal.
@George_404: "Why'd you name me Carson, dad?" You were born in a car. Now go fetch your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It's time for tablemeal.
@Mr_Kapowski: If I was a villain, my weapon would be a fan and a bag of eyelashes for blinding superheroes I'm a villain, don't ask how I get my weapons
@girl_a_whirl: A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society.