@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
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@KristinHalbrook: Advice for all girls: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But you catch the most flies with corpses.
@mikeleffingwell: One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
@HFromTheNam: Husband:-"So when you starting back at the gym"? Me:-"Why"? H:-"Because you need to" His funeral takes place next week.
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.