@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
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@Parkerlawyer: An attorney is a lot like a Dominatrix. You don’t want to be seen with them in public, but they’re handy when you’re in cuffs.
@madcaplaughs30: The first guy to skip a rock was probably all sad and just trying to toss the rock in the pond and was like "well, can't even do that right"
@punmagnate: Hold on, you guys. Turns out the person with bad opinions is extremely attractive. I'm on their side now.
@BrettDruck: I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro