@KateWhineHall: I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
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@DrDogMD: NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?
@13spencer: I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero.
@shivillex: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside..
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!