@concretesledge_: I just spent $100 at Whole Foods. This better be a damn good bag of Almonds.
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@WhaJoTalkinBout: My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan's Valentine.
@theshantilly: The child that I carried in my uterus for 9 months & suffered through 13 hrs of labor for just asked if he could have my pickle. Hell. No.
@LizHackett: Wrap toilet paper around you like a wedding dress and slowly get naked as you tear pieces off to blow your nose all day.