@AndrewProTV: I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight...
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@wickedsuga: *buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn
@sageboggs: Just saw The Martian. If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was filming him that whole time? Clearly fake
@Reverend_Scott: Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.