@AndrewProTV: I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight...
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@OneFunnyMummy: On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.
@Kyle_Lippert: The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue.
@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I hosed off your toddler as he walked by my house but I can't afford to get sick right now.
@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: this says u work well with otters. Did u mean others? ME (shoving a romp of otters back into my briefcase): haha yeah of course