@Girliegurll: I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@pro_failure: I've stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,"I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait."
@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes"
@rolldiggity: ME: "Trick or bear?" NEIGHBOR: "Bear?" ME: "HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]