@Girliegurll: I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now.
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@HoneyWooWoo: Once I get the creative juices flowing, I realize how disgusting that really sounds.
@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.
@Kali_Mura: Me: Dark Lord, I am your devoted servant. Please accept this sacrifice as proof of my -- Satan: I have a girlfriend.
@3BlindMike: The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer.