@Girliegurll: I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Dance like nobody's watching. Do the dishes like nobody's watching. Change into that robe like nobody's watching. No, the other one.
@realslimswamy: Arm wrestling is for guys who like to hold hands with other guys while staring into their eyes.
@MarfSalvador: [Desert island] Me: JANE! Jane: What? M: It's a boat! J: HEEEEEEEEELP! Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats