@ElKnuckelhombre: I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
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@Sassafrantz: Gynecologist: ok, I just need you to open up... Me, interrupting: As a middle child, I never felt good enough. Gynecologist: Um, your legs
@Abusitron: *runs in out of breath* Friend: what's going on? Me: [heavy breathing] bear with me Friend: Ok *waits* *bear runs in, also out of breath*
@TheMichaelRock: December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam since it always comes before Christmas Eve.
@SarcasticAlly12: When friends or family ask me if I'm going to have another baby, I just gesture at the chaos of my life and yell, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"