@TheRolo: I just spilled my last beer while reaching over to hit "ignore caller" on my phone. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.
@5oulhealer: When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.
@Book_Krazy: Just because your kid says, "You're my hero" does not mean you can pick them up at school wearing a cape, apparently