@ryaninco: I just stopped by the Apple store to use the restroom. iPeed.
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@Brampersandon_: *Trains lightning bugs to spell* Karen, they have a message for u WILL YOU M- "Omg Yes!" OVE OUT? Oh good. Here I packed your bags already.
@Josievorenkamp: When someone starts a Facebook post with "there are no words..." You better get prepared because you're about to read a lot of words.
@PaperWash: [in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? "Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"