@Rollmaninoz: I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back.
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@T_N_Crumpets: [Me chasing 12 greyhounds round a race track] YOU'LL GET TIRED EVENTUALLY. THEN I WILL PET YOU!
@byrdie_num_num: Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.
@fro_vo: [dollar store] ME: how much are your dollars CLERK: a dollar ME: okay I’ll take one dollar CLERK: that’ll be one dollar ME: thanks CLERK: have a nice day
@robfee: While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?