@ShoutingGoddess: I just think of unfollowers as me paying my Follower Tax.
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@Home_Halfway: ME: Hey congrats, I hear you're pregnant CLIENT: Yes, thank you! ME: *trying to think of a good power move* Many species eat their young
@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
@ThisOneSayz: Marriage is like Disneyland. Magical at first but then you realize that there's someone else in the Mickey suit.
@causticbob: Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot.