@shariv67: "I just threw up in my mouth a little." - Cows
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@jake_likes_naps: Her: are you single? [flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek] Me: haha idk
@NotthatAdamWest: The scariest thing about survival of the fittest is that it means the idiots currently surrounding you are the best evolution has to offer.
@Dschnoeb: I think the only girl I know that hasn't said "you're like a brother to me" is my sister.
@GrantTanaka: Nice Confederate flag bro, way to commemorate coming in second place in a civil war.