@lynyrdsbackyard: I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
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@rocknthepurple: I don't know why so many people blame their air conditioning for their inability to spell.
@bourgeoisalien: I want a bouncy house at my funeral. And I want to be in it, too. When all my friends jump, my lifeless body will bounce with them. What fun
@SlabBaconBP: My son curses like I make love. He has no idea how to do it and someone usually yells at him and tells him to stop before he's finished.