@NickBossRoss: I just took an IQ test and apparently I'm a Libra?
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@Sal0630: Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*
@charliedelta7: I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.