@BonaFideIntent: I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??
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@Sanbel11: When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... "If I find the right person" is apparently the wrong answer.
@gmossii: My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.
@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
@SortaBad: "We need to kill the terrorist NOW" But how.. "The human body is 70% water" Jesus, you know what to do *terrorist dies of alcohol poisoning*