@BonaFideIntent: I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??
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@DirtMcTurd: A man started choking in the line at Wendys today. Luckily the manager jumped into action... And opened another register
@iTARKAA: If only my mum knew how popular I am on Twitter, she'll stop sending me up and down the streets to get soup ingredients for her. 😂😂😂
@BoogTweets: *Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!