@upsidedowntrash: i just took the price tag off of a gift i will be giving to my cat
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@mrjohntofu: What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won't buy the book.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Joke's on you home invader. I don't have fancy jewelry, and I already ate all the Little Debbie snack cakes.
@InternetHippo: What should we call this giant advertising board? PHIL: A philboard BILL: I have a better idea
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?