@SassyPantssss: I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.
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@platinum2000: I make out with a squirrel at a party one time, and now everyone is scared of me? That's just ridiculous, he was dead for at least 2 hours.
@Reverend_Scott: SON: The car's manual suggests not to turn the stereo up all the way. DAD: Guess you could say- SON: NO DON'T- DAD: -that's sound advice.
@DadandBuried: I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.
@TheTweetOfGod: Time is money. Money talks. So time talks. But talk is cheap. So time is cheap. But time is money. So money is cheap. Which it's not.