@SassyPantssss: I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.
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@OrvllShrednbchr: Quit my job a few years ago because my boss was an idiot. Now I'm self-employed. My boss is still an idiot.
@flashember: [Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin
@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed* "THE CHILDREN" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*
@calamitydaisy: If you cannot afford a stenographer, a 4 year old will be appointed for you to repeat exactly what you said at all times. Do you understand?