@JediGigi: I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty.
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@welone1: Before you judge a woman, walk a mile in her shoes. After that who cares? She's a mile away and you've got her shoes.
@ibid78: "Your word is 'oujia'" -could you use that in a seance? [spelling bee judge puts hand over the mic] I think.. I think this guy just won
@BlindChow: [performance review] boss: from now on you're getting supervision me: yes!! boss: wait, that doesn't mean– me: *already smashing my glasses*