@JediGigi: I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty.
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@JONOCOYOTE: •a lion stalks a fawn• •a man steps out from behind tree• I'm Chris Hansen from NBCs to catch a predator, do u know how old that deer is?
@longwall26: If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
@unravelingfire: Researcher: By 2030, life expectancy is predicted to increase globally by 6 years. Southerner: [pouring mac and cheese into deep fryer] No.
@MattShiney: "The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers