@JermHimselfish: I just tripped and stumbled into a group of asian kids on the street and accidentally won a breakdancing competition.
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@DouchyDocLove: Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.
@shariv67: Why do they even bother calling him 007, when the first thing he does is introduce himself using his REAL NAME?
@ElgatoEsmio: [trapped on a patch of ice that's melting in the Arctic ocean] [rubs Genie bottle] “can you hook me up with some wifi?"
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm working on a screenplay called '127 Seconds' about my fat co-worker getting his hand stuck in a Pringles tube.