@MoistPork: I just typed "relationship" and it came up "delusional" on my phone. First time I realized my phone really is smart.
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@TravLeBlanc: I'm a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I'm your man.
@stephenjmolloy: Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!
@SeanEmeny: "My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I'm not coming in" - No guy, ever
@lisaxy424: Me: bedtime! Brain: you're hungry M: no I'm not B: thirsty then M: nope B: uhh sad? M: doing ok B: you forgot to do that thing M: nice try