@Coastiefish: I just walked through a spiderweb and invented the next Macarena.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@qwertying: Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.
@UrbanDouchebag: Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Actually sir, we have you on camera."
@MikeCanRant: I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering "Your end is nigh, letter boy."
@imagine_vegas: If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too