@LanieLalaBugs: I just want a man who'll drag me to the bedroom, throw me on the bed & do dirty dishes while I take a nap. Is that too much to ask for?
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@Sarcasticsapien: I hope I die alone. I mean, you'd have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife asked me to get the house ready as her friend is sleeping here tonight so as an optimist our bed now has 3 pillows.
@onion_an: Me:"The store didn't have any bread so I brought flour" Wife:"If they didn't have butter would you buy a cow" *sound of hooves in kitchen*
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Why don't you chat with us in the kitchenette in the morning? Me: Because I'm not paid to be your friend & you say kitchenette.