@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.
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@ThaJawn: Hipster: Check out my mini.. Me: *snatches and eats Hipster:.. Bonsai tree Me: *swallows* It's alright for a veggie Hipster: Me: anymore?
@KalvinMacleod: Wile E Coyote: I can't get rid of this headache *TNT explodes* *anvil drops on his head* *bus flattens him* Dr: it's probably stress-related
@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
@Thynebear: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good