@AddledPixie: I just want to be important enough that someone unexpectedly puts a cup of coffee in my hand, which I gratefully accept with only a nod.
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@DrawingShadows: Answer: Marijuana Question: Why am I sitting here on the couch eating ice cream with a fork, watching Telemundo and wearing one sock?
@liv_thatsme: Just locked eyes with a spider, but instead of killing him, I ran away & hid so he can spend the whole night stressing about where I am.
@Home_Halfway: "How much for this melted ghost?" Sir that's a bed sheet "You have a lot of them! And they're packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL" This is a Macys
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: "I injured myself at the gym" Buddy: "Too much weight?" Me: "I guess. I was just trying to lift my Segway onto the treadmill"