@briangaar: I just want to be one of those dads who runs on the field & tackles an opposing 6 year old
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@Coastiefish: Don't say "ATM machine". The "M" already stands for "machine". It's redundant. It's like saying "end result" or "racist Fox News Anchor".
@ruinedpicnic: "Sorry but It's me or the label maker." [takes GIRLFRIEND label off her shirt] "Thank y-" [sticks on a label that says EX-GIRLFRIEND]
@truegritrumble: Greatest Fears: -Sharks -Ebola -Bears -Bear Sharks -Bear Sharks with Ebola -Sharks with Lazers -Man carrying a clipboard on the sidewalks
@o__0Dev: As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.